When people work Step Four, they begin to realize that in order to stay clean and sober, they need to handle all their feelings--the good, the bad, and the ugly ones--in a healthy and safe way rather than covering them up with mood-altering chemicals or addictive behaviors.Many PIRs who have numbed their feelings for so long start to actually feel again.But the Steps are especially useful if you dating a PIR, because the skills you learn from the Steps may be helpful in your relationship.Step Four asks people to make "a searching and fearless moral inventory" of themselves.
The Big Book, page 64, says that "resentment is the 'number one' offender," and that it destroys more addicts than anything else does.
It was harder for him to admit the sexual harms he'd done and the people he'd used when he was still drinking.
But he said he needed to face those things if he ever hoped to have a healthy relationship--sexual and otherwise--in the future.
As the Big Book explains it, a personal inventory works much like a business inventory, similar to when a store owner sorts through his or her goods to see which are salable, which are damaged, and which have to be thrown out.
When PIRs do a personal inventory, they list the things--their thoughts, feelings, character traits, and behaviors--that stand in the way of recovery and those personal strengths that can help in recovery.
It is obviously very important, therefore, for PIRs to identify and release their resentments in a constructive way.