We can only respect a person if we are "looking at" and relating to who he or she is. She was frustrated and explained that she never had trouble opening up before. However, too much conflict is equally as destructive.And beware: infatuation blocks our ability to really "see." To check the "respect factor" of your relationship, answer these questions: · Can I see that the person I'm dating is different from me? · What are the benefits of marrying a person who has these traits? Can I respect and accept him or her with these weaknesses? Suddenly a light bulb went on in her head and she said, "Oh, I know why I can't open up -- I don't trust him." She was shocked by the fact that she was crazy about a guy that she didn't trust. While it's completely normal for a couple to argue, the question is, how much arguing is OK?· Does my potential spouse share at least 3 of these values? As opposed to "puppy admiration," true respect means accepting someone and honoring his or her thoughts and feelings. I remember an eye-opening discussion I had with Roy, who consulted with me regarding his ex-wife.· Does he/she at least respect the ones that are not shared? The word respect actually comes from the Latin word respicere, which means to look at. A young woman once came to speak with me because she was having trouble opening up to her boyfriend. Do I feel that he/she would eventually be able to handle these secrets and accept me with them? When I asked him if they had argued a lot, he replied, "No, we didn't even have one major disagreement." I remember thinking to myself, "Maybe if they'd had it out, they would still be married." Avoidance of conflict is one of the main causes for divorce.I Only Want to Get Married Once is a tool that will help single adults objectively evaluate their relationships and avoid the heartache of marrying the wrong person.
He proceeded to tell Fran about the warm memories he had of his childhood, of the whole family going to church on Sunday. She grew up as an atheist and since her husband had never spoken about religion, she assumed he felt similarly -- that religion was something that didn't belong in their home.As in the case of Mike and Fran, it typically leads to serious marital conflict and, ultimately, divorce.To check the "values factor" of your relationship, ask yourself these questions: · What are my 5 top values?His response was an immediate: "No." Tom went into marriage thinking that since he and his wife got along so well and they were so attracted to each other, this would be enough to carry them throughout life.But when they hit the different stages and challenges of life -- job stress, kids, parents passing away, and illness -- they didn't have a strong enough foundation to make it through.And when the infatuation dries up, which will happen, a marriage will crash if there isn't "lasting love potential." How do you know if your relationship has this essential ingredient? Do you and the person you're dating have shared values?