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I ask him, giggling, if he’s at least going to take me to dinner first. And the person I am today is a person with hemorrhoids. They’re conspicuous, but, in the end, easy to take care of. Mostly, people are sitting with no visible discomfort except that which comes with being elderly. The doctor fiddles with something and with several mechanical whirrs, the bench rises about a foot and dips forward.

In fact, sitting on the toilet for long lengths has probably made me the person I am today. They form inside the rectum and tend to hang down and peek out until they’re physically, unceremoniously, forced back in. I called my dad and asked, “Have you ever had hemorrhoids? I’m surprised the waiting room isn’t filled with empty chairs and people standing, looking forlornly at the seats. I was told to drop my pants, put my knees on the outcropping, and lean over the bench and relax.

Part 2: We used the term “dating” to search for free geosocial-networking apps in the Apple i Tunes and Android Google Play stores.

The majority of the apps did not contain any sexual health content.

Part 2: We reviewed 60 dating apps: 44 (73%) targeting heterosexual users, 9 (15%) targeting men who have sex with men (MSM), 3 (5%) targeting lesbian women, and 4 (7%) for group dating.

Option one is a banding procedure, which, thankfully, is exactly what I want.

A banding procedure is placing a strangling rubber band around the base of a hemorrhoid. I immediately understand why most girls aren’t into anal sex.

Previous research has shown high acceptability of sexual health interventions via smartphone apps; however, sexual health promotion apps were infrequently downloaded and underused.

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